Self

"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."-C.G. Jung

Self Awareness is having a clear perception of our personality, strengths, weaknesses, thoughts and emotions. It is too often that I hear the saying "If you can't love yourself, then how can you love someone else". Sometimes it is important for us to take a step back from things around us and re-evaluate our own selves just to reflect on life and before decisions are made.Instead of finding faults or excuses for everything it is important that we know the role that we've played in this matter and try to improve it. Most of my blogs has been about personal relationships and friendships, things that I've experienced in the past and to a certain extent caused me some type of hurt. It is only right that I close out my blog entries with this blog topic on self-awareness. Often, I find it hard to take the blame for things and most of the time have an excuse as to why things went wrong in a friendship or in a relationship. Throughout all these experiences I've realized that it is not always the other person's fault, instead of blaming others because I don't want to let my pride down and take responsibility for what has happened . Having Self Awareness allows us to understand other people, how they perceive us, our attitudes and responses in the moment. As I sit back and evaluate the things I've been through with relationships, friendships and more, I've come to the conclusion that I just don't have enough self awareness. Not having enough self-awareness makes use vulnerable to certain things, people and situations. It makes it easy for us to mess up and sometimes blame others or simply take the blame from other because we aren't aware of our own selves.

 As I now develop more self awareness I'm now able to make changes my thoughts and interpretations made in my mind. Simply changing the way how we think sometimes allows us to change our emotions and become better people and make understand people easier. In most of my friendships that ended things were done and said that would've been avoided. Like previous stated in the first blog about my best friend, our friendship ended bad and most of it was my fault. Well all of it was kind of my fault, I'm so in tact with my emotions too often I let it over shadow the decisions I make without really thinking about what I'm doing or saying at the time. I've taken a step back from all of my friends and is currently single and working on myself. It is beneficial when we can see our faults and make attempts in trying to fix them. Self awareness is simply the first step in creating what we want to do as people.  Where we focus our attention, emotions, reactions and most importantly personality. I've come to the conclusion that until we (including myself) are aware in the moments of the controls to our thoughts, emotions, words, and behavior, it will be difficult in making changes in the direction of our life. 

So yes people! We must learn how to be more self aware knowing where we stand as individuals in order to progress with any relationship or friendship that we set out to explore. 

Past

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space".

Why is it that sometimes we can let go of the things that stress us out and other times, even after the event has passed and we know that we can't change what it has come to, we continue to be stuck thinking about it?

"It is important to understand what makes us more likely to dwell on the past, considering the numerous negative consequences. Personality plays a role. Some people are more prone to rumination than others. Nearly everyone dwells in the past at some point, but some people do it more often and are more likely to get stuck in their thoughts". THIS IS ME!

Can I be a kid again?

Where did the years go? I look at kids now a days trying to grow up so fast but little do they know that adults wish to go back to the age they are now.

Can I go back to when everything in life was easy? all that I had to worry about was getting up in the morning and going to school and then coming back home and doing absolutely nothing. Everything was so easy, no heartbreaks, no headaches nothing to worry about. When I was a kid I used to think, that those who are adults have an awesome life. My mom wouldn't let me go anywhere alone. I wasn't allowed to eat much chocolate, Ice creams and almost everything I liked. When I was in high school, the feeling was great because I was starting to grow up and become my own woman. But from high school was really where all the life lessons started. 

This is the place where some people meet first loves, gain popularity and meet close friends. Some stick around throughout college and some end up turning into total bitches like some of my old close friends and branching off. In high school was where I met my best friend, and from reading my very first blog posts you guys know how that situation turned out. I want to go back to the times in life where everything was simply understood and answers came easy. But unfortunately we cannot always get what we want. Dwelling in the past just keeps us from moving forward and seeing the better things that life have to offer us. Throughout all of my blog posts this semester, you guys have read about my life stories of friendships, relationships, and more. Syncing back in the past with these old memories and stories made me miss out on what might been potentially better friendships and long lasting relationships. The moral of this blog is, If you're going through similar situations like I am to simply just build a bridge and move on. Sometimes we have to burn some memories and forget about the past so we can see the new things that are in front of us. 

Stay up late..

“Stay up late. Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you’re separated from the rest of the world”- Unknown

Call me weird, but sometimes I just like to isolate myself from everyone and think about things. It’s just something about staying up late at night that allows me to focus more on the task at hand. Staying up late at night gives me a chance while everyone is sleeping to think about life especially. To think about where I am as a person and where I want to be. Some times we really need to step back from everyone and everything and re-evaluate ourselves, we need to step back and think about situations that become too overwhelming to deal with during the day time. Being up late feels great,it’s peaceful when everyone in the house is sleeping and only my thoughts and I are awake. If i’m having trouble studying for a class and stay up and study for it, I usually end up discovering new ways to solve a problem or stumble over something I've missed that caused me to have difficulty in the first place. This quote relates to all of my blogs that I've posted this semester. 

From reading my previous blog posts, I'm sure it is pretty obvious to you guys that I'm very in tact with my emotions. I'm a sensitive person and sometimes every little thing bothers or get to me in some type of way. I tend to do things without thinking and often say things that I don't mean and then want to take it back. Pretty often there are aspects of my life, events within it, and pressing issues, that takes time to think about. Some people find it easier to wake up early or talk to others about what's going on with them but I prefer to stay up late at night and reflect,plan and organize. Staying up late or all night gives me a sense of adventure in a way, I can stay up one night and create a whole picture in my head of what I want to do tomorrow and what has to be don in order to resolve an issue. I get "in the zone". From Biology class, I learned that usually a long time before actually staying up late, our subconscious mind decides that it will be a work night. So this is most likely the reason why if we're going through a break-up, a fight with someone or simply dealing with other issues at home why sleep doesn't come.

Moral of this story is sometimes when we're going through things in life to take a step back and evaluate things. Often some of us find comfort in going to others for advice or unknowingly make irrational decisions without thinking things through. We should take time away from everyone and find our zone and reflect, think, plan and become better problem solvers.

Baggage Claim

"Embarking on a new relationship is like setting off at sea in a sail boat for two. Too much baggage from the past will sink it. Too many others in the boat will rock it. If both people don't do their part, the boat will go in circles going no where fast. But most of all, if the boat was suspect and was not solid from the start, it will spring a leak and fall apart just when you need it most"- Nathaniel Butler

I dated this guy for almost a year. Before anything happened we started out as friends at first, at the moment he had a girlfriend so I should have saw how this would end. I was always his go to person to talk/hangout when he was going through something with his then girlfriend. They eventually ended up breaking up and we got together, I thought that he was over her but that wasn't the case. We ended up dating for almost a year, everything seemed perfect but I had no clue how he was really feeling. Before we made our one year he sat me down and told me that he wasn't over her, I was devastated because I was actually starting to fall for him. I never understood why he asked me out if he was never over her, I never understood why he kept these feelings to himself for so long. I still remain confused. 

This blog post will be about the baggage that people bring into new relationships and even friendships due to a unfinished passed. I've experienced this and I'm sure that some of you have experienced this in the past also. When someone gets out of a relationship, it doesn't even have to be a relationship exactly it can be anything that would've potentially hurt this person they tend to carry baggage's with them. I never understood why people do this, it is such a simple task that it's either you're over a relationship and ready to move on or you're simply not. Don't waste people time. What part of this don't people understand, If you're not ready to pursue a new relationship/friendship then just DON'T lead other people on. I've been through this very particular scenario one too many times and it's just something that continues to remain confusing to me as to why people do this. Some people like to circle in their own misery and think that other people can solve their problems for them, well it doesn't work that way. It is understandable that you may have had high hopes in a past relationship that the person you were dating at the time was the "one" but we have no self-control some things that happen. Everything happens for a reason and we should never question that reasoning. However, loading up your baggage into a new relationship will toxify this new journey. 

In life you could meet a really good person with whom you are compatible, but the old baggage that you bring in from the past could inhibit you from seeing that person in a realistic light. We should refrain from jeopardizing good relationships because we're not over someone else. Please, save people the time and stress. If you're not over it then find a way to get over it or simply don't move on until you do!.

Trust

"Trust can take years to build, but only a second to break."- Unknown

If you had someone trust and you no longer have it how do you re-earn it?

How do you know if you really trust someone or if you are just trying to convenience yourself that you trust them? These are the questions that I ask myself as I'm writing this post.

If I able to see into the future I wouldn't have made some of the decisions I've made in the past. I tend to be the type of person to not think before saying/doing things and end up facing the consequences later. I have a irrational/ living in the moment kind of thinking. This is unfortunately a crappy humanistic trait. As I'm writing this post I'm kind emotional so please excuse me if it sounds a little sappy. In this post I will actually use the person's name that I'm writing about, hopefully she sees this and can understand that what I did wasn't in no way intentional or of an act to hurt our friendship/sisterhood.

Joyce and I have been friends for over a decade. Our friendship has always been okay and never had any bumpy roads along the way. She made clear to me that if I ever fucked her over that she'd drop me as a friend no matter how long we've known each other. Sounds kind of harsh right? but that's just the type of person she is. Anyway moving along, very much aware of the kind of person she is recently I had access to her email password because of some business we were doing together and saw some personal things in her email that was still there unknowingly to her before she gave me the password. Being noseyI looked through her personal stuff and panicked. I panicked and called our other friend to tell her what I saw in these messages and to try and get some advice on how to approach her about what I saw. Even though I'm using her name in this post, It's still embarrassing to say what I saw in her mails, so I'll refrain from saying what it was. I saw what I saw and instead of going straight to Joyce with questions I notified our other close friend about the issue, in hopes of getting advice from her of how to approach this matter. In the end things turned out bad and I never got a chance to actually go up to Joyce and talk to her personally about this issues. She eventually found out that I read through her email messages and dropped me. Her exact words before she got out of my car two nights ago after we talked about this matter was " I can't trust you, and without trust there's no Friendship". Over the past few days those words have been playing over and over in my head. I invaded her privacy, read her emails and instead of going to her with what I found out I kept it to myself and went to someone else and for this I was wrong.

When you trust a person, you believe that they have your best interest at heart. They wouldn't do something to hurt you for the fun of it, or for selfish gain. You rely on them. You earn a person's trust by consistently proving yourself to them. You show them that you will not use them or take advantage of them. Not abuse their love or their generosity and think before acting.


My question is guys, If you were put in a situation like I was put in what would you do? How do I re-earn this person's trust/friendship?.

Opposites

Is it possible to have a close friend that's of opposite sex with no strings attached?

Is it possible to be close friends with the opposite sex and not let it get in the way of your other relationships?

This topic chosen for this particular blog post is very controversial, this post can be answered with a number of different reasonings. I ask that no one takes offense to anything said in this post, these are simply my opinions and personal experiences and everyone is entitled to their own. There's so many answers to this question that it is impossible to just choose one.

     Personally, I believe that the answer to this question is both yes and no. I've never witnessed a number of strong friendship based upon opposite sex actually workout but I've also witnessed relationships that didn't workout. At the end of the day feelings always get involved. Our generation is just not equipped to see men and women interacting beyond the boundaries of sexual relationships. With men and women mingling in various areas of life that are gender-specific (home, school, work, parties), people of the opposite sex are discovering common ground and more reasons to be friends which eventually leads to other things.

      For this blog post, I actually took the time out to interview my male/female friends,co-workers, and other classmates and asked the proposing question. "Is it possible to have a strong healthy friendship with the opposite sex without having any strings attached"? The women that I spoke to consistently said that it is nearly "difficult to impossible" to have a fulfilling friendship with men because as the friendship grows, men will eventually want to elevate the relationship into a romantic level. Similarly but in much simpler terms, the men that I spoke to said that it's difficult to just be friends with women "When you want to sleep with them". Whose at fault here?

I believe that the single reason why friendship between men and women fail is because of sexual tension. From MY personal experience, I can say that I have a number of male friends because I simply find males more understanding and easier to talk to sometimes without all the drama than my female friends. I have flirted with a few and was hit on by many. Sexual tension is certainly real, impossible to ignore, and can be difficult to negotiate.  Overall, If we cannot control our sexual tension or the sexual tension thrown our way then be prepared to experience challenges in your everyday relationships/friendships throughout life.

Boundaries..

Girl meets Boy

Girl likes Boy

Girl and Boy starts dating

Girl and Boy are Happy

Girl and Boy become unhappy

Girl and Boy break up

Girls' Best friend Dates the ex Boy

Ok guys tell me, which one doesn't fit? 

It's sad to say but i'm sure in some shape or form, some of us has experienced above scenario.

Let me say, it sucks hard. 

        How could someone you called your friend? Your Bro? Stab you in the back like that. I'm sure everyone knows the universal rule of hooking up with your friend ex...YOU DON'T DO IT! It's an unsaid code of honor, something that is apart of out internal system of what's right and wrong! Everyone knows, you never go after a friend ex, because it's like a middle finger .

        What makes people do it anyway? This is more than an act of betrayal..this is the ultimate act of back stabbing. In most cases there's no coming back from this. It's no man lands territory. It's disappointing to say, but in this day and age a guy or girl can destroy a friendship.

HOW DO I KNOW? you ask? Let's just say I have been in these uncharted waters.

A couple of years of ago, I had a friend. Let's just call her A for all sake and purposes of my narrative. A and I were cool. I never had a problem with her. we hung out like normal friends do. Everything was all good. I started dating this guy and of course, at 16, you think that every love is the 'forever' type of love. Everything was going great but exactly a year later we ended up breaking up. A, then decided that it was okay to start dating MY ex-boyfriend. Are you serious? Are you kidding? Dating one of your friends ex-boyfriends simply means that you're now eating my left overs. A and I are no longer friends and the faith of our friendship was determined by this factor and other things also.

We should keep in mind certain key factors when it comes down to dating a friend ex boyfriend/girlfriend:

1-First, how recent was the break up

If your friend and this person broke up within the past few weeks or months then it's a no go. Of course, this is only allowed if you speak to the friend and make sure that he/she is okay and is over this relationship. There's nothing more dangerous than trying to date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that's not over the relationship. It can turn out really bad.

2- Second, how close is the friendship?

If this person is your best friend or close to being your best friend then the topic of trying to date his/her ex is out of the window!! Seriously! it should be thrown so far out the window that you forget that this was ever a thought. Apart of friendships are rules and boundaries of which we should abide by and this just happen to be one of those rules. If this person is a close friend then I suggest that you talk and let them know that you are considering dating the ex. In experience, friends appreciate hearing directly from friends rather than finding out information elsewhere. If he/she is not a close friend then you don't need to discuss your dating plans with anyone.

3- How upset/over it is this person about the break-up
It is common courtesy that if you have a close friend that is reeling from a break-up then it is absolutely necessary to speak to this person and talk about the feelings about possibly dating the ex.

Overall, personally the answer to this post is no. Some may think that it's okay to date a friend ex-boyfriend/girlfriend but I think it's out of the window. Even though I wanted to many times, it never happened because I actually value my friends and wouldn't want to see them hurt over something like the related topic. It is a shame that things aren't simpler but in life all things related to relationships and feelings are complicated.